Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
