i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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