I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize