yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
