I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
