Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
