you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This baby is an asshole
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
