he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
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There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
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I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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