UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
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"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
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So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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