Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
