Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
