just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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