I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
