dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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