sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
