Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
