Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
