Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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