How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
