using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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