I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize