Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
