after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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