that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
