Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
thus making me awesome and them whores
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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