What a fucking waste of an outfit
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
