i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
