i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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