Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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