From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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