His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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