Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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