I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
