I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Bring me that man meat
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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