Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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