you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
