Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
