3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
