Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
