God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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