An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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