somebody snuck up and got me drunk
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think I am morally bankrupt
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
