WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
