Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
