Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
