True but thats because hes a fetus.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
