I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
