Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
