Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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