Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
