First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
