Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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