I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
that may or may not have been my penis.
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