so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
