i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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