I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
