you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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