I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
