FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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