i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
