Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
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The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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