I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
