oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
