in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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