Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Michael Bay diarrhea
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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