Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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