Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
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Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
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hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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