haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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