Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
