Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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