I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
