Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
