Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
