I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You left your phone here
Wait...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
