Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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