and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
